
Friday, October 21, 2005
what's done when i still love my ex?
nothing...
what's done when i like someone new?
nothing...
what's done when i'm bored?
nothing...
what's done when i'm sad?
nothing...
what's done when i miss my past?
nothing...
what's done when i want a tabby persian?
nothing...
what's done when i can't forget?
nothing...
what's done when i have stupid cramps?
nothing...
what's done when my dad keeps picking on me?
nothing...
what's done when i feel that something's bugging me?
nothing...
what's done when i know that the past will never come back?
nothing...
what's done when i feel tired of pretending?
nothing...
so what's actually done?
nothing...
train rides makes me sleep...
car rides makes me sleep...
cramps makes me sleep...
talking on the phone makes me sleep...
watching TV makes me sleep...
presentations makes me sleep...
crying makes me sleep...
puzzles makes me sleep...
music makes me sleep...
stoning makes me sleep...
school makes me sleep...
having a bloated meal makes me sleep...
is everything making me sleep?
perhaps...
i miss happy memories with him...
i miss having a shoulder to lean on when i'm sleeping...
on the train standing, sitting...
on the bus sitting, standing...
i miss having someone dear to hug...
i miss the hand holdings...
i miss feeling blessed by love...[even if it was all an act]
i miss feeling loved...
i miss giving my love all out...
i miss the times i skipped school just to be with him...
i miss missing him...
i miss the arguments we had...
i miss crying for him even
though many thought it wasn't worth...
even me...
i miss late night talks with him...
i miss the nonsense that i can give him as and when i like...
and he just takes it quietly and smiles...
i miss blabbering about life and school to him...
i miss just watching him do his stuff...
and i just stare at him...
i miss having him by my side...
i miss his messages...
i miss going to his house and do nothing...
i miss doing nothing with him...
i miss his smiles...
i miss his silly arguments with his friends...
i miss being able to be there for him when he needs me...
i miss hearing him say "i love you"...
i miss receiving the morning calls from him...
and later making fun of what i did when i just woke up...
i miss hearing him say he called just to check up on me...
i miss being able to nag at him to study...
i miss our silliness...
i miss disturbing him...
i miss giving him boxes of stuff on special days...
i miss browsing through the men's section and say to myself
"i should get that for him..."
i miss shopping for him...
i miss movie times with him...
where we would cuddle together...
and hold each other tight...
i miss waiting for his calls and messages...
i miss a million things about him and i...
but will he ever feel the same?
will he ever miss the things we had?
perhaps...
but the odds are low...
back to reality...
i've lost him...
i'm moving on...
and he already did move on...
i'm silly at love...
i'm blind at love...
i'm hopeless at love...
i'm just too crazy in love with him...
to see sense in anything...
i'm a wreck...
but i pray to myself...
to give me the strength to move on...
even if i have to lie to myself about being happy...
even if it's not right to decieve myself...
even if i'm not that strong...
even if i have to pretend about everything...
even if i have to be who i'm really not...
the old me vanishing...
putting up a strong front...
that's the new me...
that's me now...
never gonna cry for anyone...
or anything anymore...
till someone gives me a reason to...
sHoW eNdS:9:32 PM
PeEk A bOo
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