
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
it's already the 4th week or is it the 3rd? hmmm... either way... it seems like i've been schooling forever in this stupid retarded school... i'm sooo not feeling well... having my mense... then lack of sleep... with occasional migraine coming to me... super tired... and i miss Mr. Smiley... haha... now that's rare... haha... i'm supposed to be doing my research in class instead of blogging.. but who cares... so long never blog... ought to do some updating... hohoho...
monday... out with my baby and saw HER baby... she really does look like a monkey... haha... never mean to be mean... but just a truth... haha... as it goes... the truth always hurt... haha... before that... we went for a movie... seeing nicole kidman on big screen is just such a pleasure... love her to bits... wanna put her in my display cupboard... shall plot a kidnap... hahah... went to vist my baby honey's father at Mount Elizabeth cos he had a heart attack... it looked serious... with tubes about... so... yeah... wish him speedy recovery... people will pray for his health back somehow... although i don't pray... giving him my best wishes... took pictures with my baby honey... both the machine ones and the camera... oh yeah~! *beams* super nice and cool... haha... it's been ages since i gone out and took pictures like that... haha... but well... i'll be back to that habit soon... haha...
yesterday.. was feeling extremely sick... had stomach craps... feeling dizzy.. all i wanted was sleep... my phone went mad too and pissed me off.. in other words... i'm grumpy... grouchy.. a Oscar the Grouch... haha... i'm so nonsensical... like... whatever... but 1 thing good was... i did well in school today...
as for today... the day has yet to get started... stupid classmate touched my com and stuff... hate it... rather slacky today i think... Mr. Smiley's last paper today and the end of his first prelims.. sigh... he'll be busy still... so not fun... no one to go out with..
okay... now... i shall list my apologies to some people... they won't see this i think... but... oh well... it's for me to feel better i suppose... well... here goes...
first person: Mr. Smiley
speech: mr... i'm sorry if i still don't believe that you are over her... maybe it's because previously you broke the trust i had for you... so if you're expecting me to trust you as much as i did last time.. sorry man... i can't... you'll just have to build that trust again... i'm sorry for feeling insecure about us.... i guess i still need some time... cos you came back to me when you said you didn't want me... it's rather contradicting to me... so yeah... i supposed i have not registered the idea that you are really back to me cos you really want to be with me... some hurt just stays... and this is one of them... i'm sorry about that... hopefully you will somehow not make me feel that way during this whole relationship and that i am really able replace her in your heart... i'm sorry if i sometimes don't understand you and ask questions that you can't answer either because you don't dare to or you really don't know how... which ever it is, i'm sorry... i just can't hepl myself sometimes... i'm sorry i treating this as a game... a game that have false game overs and real ones and hurt that comes with it... everything is a game... even life... i hope you get that... if you don't... then... i also don't know... i'm sorry i can't love you more than i already have... cos i'm just protecting myself i think.. a defence thing? maybe time would break that defence... but for now... i don't think i can...probably you'll help me... probably not...
second person: samantha
speech: hey hey... i'm sorry... i shouldn't have taken him away from you... but then again... i never have... you always had him and you knew it... you wanted him but you're just pretending... i'm sorry for saying sorry... i'm sorry that everytime you see me you give me a face that makes me feel so bad and guilty and feel like a slut for stealing your guy that has to be with you whenever you want... and that he cannot love another but only you cos you want him still... the "break" you had with him it's i suppose bull... yeah... total bull... and you just feel happy about that... but... oh well... i can't say anything... i'm only feeling sorry... sorry for you... i know i'm supposed to be apologising to you... but i also want to get this anger at you or just this stuff i have been wanting to say to you for a long time off my chest... yeah... so... yeah... and that face of yours... hey... you want to make me miserable as long as i'm with him... well you are already doing that... so yeah... do whatever you want... i'll restrain my love for him as long as i can...until he gets over you... and so.. it's up to you to ya... okay... isound like a bitch... like who cares...
third person: Mummy
speech: hey mummy... i'm sorry if i'm rude and all that to you and give you all kinds of smal tantrums... i'm sorry for always making you responsible for things like coming home very late... didn't mean to do that... but it's just that i know my limits... if i go out till late... i'll definitely do my stuff before going... just have to trust me...
fourth person: my parents
speech: sorry that i have to hide my relationship from you... but i know you won't be able accept it... you will not accept that i have a boyfriend... i'm always a kid to you... someone that'll never grow up...and always depending on you people... i'm sorry if i get agitated at you people when you all ask so many questions... i guess that because i feel that you do not trust me i suppose... that you are like wanting to control me... i'm sorry...
fifth person: joyce
speech: i'm sorry for using your name everytime i'm out with him.. you don't know about it.. but yeah... i did... the lucky thing is that my parents didn't insist on calling her... and checking on me... so.. yeah.. sorry about that... but... you know my situation i hope... sorry that you have to listen to me complain and talking about my stuff all the time mainly about him... just needed someone to talk to even though i blog... i guess it's just different... whatever it is...i'm sorry...
sixth person: my sisters
speech: sorry for all the trouble i caused... the things that you have to cover for me... and the rudeness you sometimes get from me... it'sjust me... i want to change... but it's not easy... plus... i do have moods too you know... you all can do this to me why can't i... i know when i say that you will say you don't... but you do... just that you don't know or rather ignore that... and i think it's soooo unfair... anyway... sorry...
that;s it... i'm signing off...
sHoW eNdS:10:07 AM
PeEk A bOo
[*] LoLLiPoPs
[*] CaNdY cAnEs
[*] CoTtAn cLoUdS
[*] HaPpY dAyS
[*] LiFe'S a StAgE
[*] i'M tHe LeAd

DiVaMaMa CyNtHiA
oBsEsSeD WiTh cAtS
LoVeS LoLLiEs
AdOrEs ReD
FeTiSh FoR FoNdUe
LiVeS tO sHoP
aPpReCiAtEs hUnKs & BaBeS
iN LoVe WiTh ZiDaNe
YeArNs FoR a bLyThE DoLL
hAtEs sChOoL
AsPiReS tO bE a PsYcHiAtRiSt
fAnTaSiZe aBoUt cOtTaGeS
dReAmS oF cOtToN cAnDy cLoUdS
'posts__*
'exitx__*
'tagged__*
'about__*