15th october... went to school and had a rather non-stressful day... only had a-maths test and bio lessons which was not so bad... hehe... think i'm going to fail my a-maths mock test though... haha... wasn't really concentrating... was kind of doing it half heartedly.. loads of questions i didn't do... oh well...
monday's the start of the event... the one that'll not leave anyone's mind now... yup... it's the O levels practical... the talk of the town... or rather my year's people... right... yeah... i'm counting the days already where all these torture would be gone.. the only thing that's motivating me to study is the trip away from singapore... and i need my mind to be occpied for the time being cos i need to be distracted and not think too much about him...it's been 2 days since i want to get over him... i suppose i'm jealous... it's like... he's not the same with me as he is with others... i feel kind of distant from him... i feel tired liking someone and not get like back in return... i want to be over this liking nonsense... i don't want to like anyone anymore... i'm exhausted... with the stress i'm facing and this? i don't know... i am jealous.. i'm not happy that he treats other girls well too... i don't know... i know he's not my anything... but then... the feeling sometimes just come... i think i need someone shoulder to cry on about this... i think all these bottled up feelings in me is making me very depressed... i don't know... sigh... my dear joyce... he didn't do anything to me... i'm just a jealous girl that doesn't like the person i really like to be nice to other girls... call me possesive... probably... it's rather illogical for me to get possesive taking in account that he's not even my anything... but as i have said earlier... sometimes i just can't control it... i think he'll also find that i'm being unreasonable to be condemning him cos he didn't do anything... and i'm like all upset just because he's nice to other girls... sigh... i doubt he even sense that i'm jealous... i think i shall just forget about the liking business and just be someone that will only be loved and not love... i giving up liking him... you people would probably think why am i announcing this yeah... well... i just want to get it off my chest... just to you know... clear my mind... i don't know...
when i first started liking him... i never knew i would feel all these crap... i just had a simple liking in my heart... i remember there's this guy don't know his name but he once wrote in a letter he wrote to me... he said(it's in chinese,,, so i'm translting it now... hehe,,,) to love someone doesn't mean to have that someone... but to make that someone happy and never make that someone cry... well... i suppose... the 2 of us were never meant for each other... no matter how much i like him... we'll never be together... it's just so impossible... he's not want he seems to be and i'm not what i seem to him... he'll never say and i'll most probably not say either... i don't want to wait anymore... i suppose it's about time i end this silly thing... me and him... it's already a goodbye... he'll disappear from my heart after the exams..................................................................................
the pretty girl's is signing off and officially resigns from the liking business....
